Oooh, child, things can only get BETTER!!

After years of struggling to get things to start improving, things are finally beginning to look up! Earlier this year I decided to go back on Prozac because I couldn't fight the depression on my own, and I couldn't keep trying anymore. It made it difficult to function and be my best, as a parent, home maker, or anything. I am so glad I decided to do that, because, even though I may have times I feel a bit down, it's no longer debilitating. It's more like what I would think of as normal highs and lows. For me anyways. After this, I was able to start applying myself to other areas that needed my attention.

First, I got Trinity in to start behavioral therapy, and get tested for Aspergers Syndrome. She was officially diagnosed with Aspergers and Oppositional  Defiant Disorder. She also qualifies not only for behavioral therapy, but Occupational and possibly speech as well. So, between my Prozac helping with my moods and even patience level, and therapy, things are getting a little easier with Trinity. During her evaluation it was also discovered that she has extremely high thinking skills, in the top 5% of kids her age, and really good reading skills. She struggles with math and writing (which causes her to have trouble when she tries to spell words, though she knows how to read and sound out words) and, as her therapist noticed, is very good with phonics (on a side note, this makes me happy because it shows me that my methods of teaching her these things since she was little, homeschooling her only, has been very successful).

One area that has also improved since prozac, that I would consider somewhat minor compared to others, is I'm finally motivated enough to be getting my house organized again. Before, I wanted it so bad, and the mess would make me more depressed, but when I would try to start cleaning, my brain would just boggle, and I would have a mild anxiety attack. Not anymore! My house is looking more and more like I want it to!

I'm not sure if I posted anything about this next thing yet or not. But late last year or early this year, I decided to try and start cleaning houses and some other things along those lines to start bringing in some sort of income. I got my first cleaning job helping a friend with her house in February. Now, I'm up to 6 clients! I'm not fully self sufficient yet income wise, but things are definitely improving! I was able to buy my girls a few Christmas presents, and not need donations to give them. I've not had to borrow money from my mom except once, and I actually could pay her back the next week. I've even been able to pay on some of my own bills! It feels so good to be able to do that. And I know that all of this is a gift from God. I don't take all the credit for it, because He has provided me with everything. Now, with all of these things having finally improved after so many years, I am finally feeling less stress and anxiety, less depression, and more confidence! God had given me 2 verses years ago that I held onto as a promise that things would get better, and now I finally see them coming to pass! These verses are:

Jeremiah 29:11For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 

1 Samuel 2:8He raises up the poor out of the dust and lifts up the needy from the ash heap, to make them sit with nobles and inherit the throne of glory. For the pillars of the earth are the Lord’s, and He has set the world upon them.

It may have been a few years for these things to start happening (God gave me these verses around 2005), but God's timing is perfect. And what seems like years to us, is just days to Him. I can't say that I'm sitting with nobles right now, and I don't know what God has in mind there. But, I know He is lifting me out of the dust. Other versions say that He lifts "the beggar from the dunghill", and I have been waiting for that to happen. I have faith that things will continue to improve in our lives, and that I will no longer be a beggar. I don't care to be wealthy or anything, but I do look forward to the time when we are no longer beggars in a dunghill, living a life in the ashes. I know that even still, we are very blessed. We have it so much better than many others around the world. God has continuously provided for my girls and I. Food, shelter, Christmas gifts, clothes, and even blessings that went above and beyond necessities, like a dishwasher and cell phone. 

I hope other people who struggle can hold onto faith too that, even if it takes time, and you don't see it getting better, if you just keeping pushing on and trusting God, He WILL make things better.