So, what's up?

So, I haven't been on here in a while. I've tried to decide what I've wanted to do with this blog, what direction I've wanted to take this one, and the other one I have. Last year, after a lot of soul searching from a long spiritual journey, so to speak, I feel like I finally figured out who I am, who I am in God, and am content with myself, for the most part. I don't feel like I struggle so much with the different denominational/religious stuff that I did before, and that I found my place there for the most part. Not that I don't have more learning to do or anything, just that some of the searching I was doing before, some of the struggles I was having, or pressures I was feeling from outsiders, are not such an issue anymore. God has brought me along ways from there. Brought me to a place of spiritual contentment, a place where I need to be. I'm not going to go into all that on here right now, it's too deep and lengthy. If I decide to get into it at all, I might do so on the other blog I have, but I'm not sure yet. Right now, I'm just kinda journaling, updating, whatever. So, on to the next, more significant bit.

Right now, I'm  stressed lately. This year started off fairly good: building my house cleaning business "Hire a Homemaker" with the goal of hiring people this year; thinking I was going to be purchasing a house back in February/March, etc. Then, in April, I developed some health problems in addition to the problems I already had. I already have degeneration in my neck, with a disk putting pressure on the nerves in my spinal cord and causing problems to other parts of my body, and (recently diagnosed, but always experienced pain) degeneration in my lower back and right hip. I also have problems with bipolar disorder, mostly the depression, not so much the mania (until the stress hit hard lately), and an over active bladder. But April, I found out I have a cystocele and a rectocele. If you don't know what that is, my bladder and intestines are coming out of my vagina, to put it simply. I'm going to require surgery to fix it. I've had a lot of pain this summer, difficulty working, trouble going to the restroom, etc. (& my already painful pms is multiplied). That's probably more info than you want to know, but, you get the idea. I'm miserable & ready to be fixed. It's hard to work, hard to function, hard to pay bills, hard to do anything. It's been hard to make ends meet, and therefore, things have been very stressful. I've not been able to meet my goals with my business, which makes it hard to bring things up for my family like I wanted to do. Keeping up with Trinity's therapy (2x a week), and trying to help her issues improve can be stressful in and of itself. Not to mention combined with everything else. Not that I would trade her or anything, but, it doesn't make things easier. Just more challenging. I'm not complaining, mind you. This is just a part of my life, like the title of the blog page says. :)
And, we started co-op this week too. Which is a blessing. I wanted to do it mainly to get some help for the girls for math, but thought it might be helpful for a few other classes too. My original plan was to pay as much as I could, but that was before my health got worse, and working got more difficult. But, thank God, the co-op has blessed me with financial assistance. If things change, I will gladly contribute what I can. But for now, I'm thankful for the assistance, both financial, and educational.

Also, part of the stress of things, has been my mom's health. She has not been able to work in a few months because she started having a lot of health problems earlier this summer also, and was in and out of the hospital a few times. She is normally quite healthy, and taking care of everyone else, so this was unusual, and stressful, and hard on everyone. She's starting to do a lot better now, but is not able to go back work, and has to file for disability.

I am currently in the process of packing my things to move in with a friend who lives about a mile away. She's one of my best friend's, and her daughter, and Trinity are best friends. They have an extra bed room we are going to move into, which will be a big help to us financially, and I can help her with her house and kids. Her husband is disabled and recently had to retire from his preaching job, and she works nights on the weekends as a nurse at a Children's Hospital. So, this will be beneficial for both of us. But, I still have mixed feelings about it. I've lived here for over 4 years, and don't like having to give up having my own house and space to live in someone else's, but I will be thankful to have some financial burden lifted for a while, and very thankful for my friend giving me a place and time to recover after my surgery, then I can get back on me feet, and hopefully move into a better place soon after. I'm nervous, a bit depressed. Not sure what I think or feel a lot of the time. I feel overwhelmed, and lonely, and a stuck in a depression a lot. And definitely ready to get away and hide and take break. I wanted to go camping this year, but it hasn't worked out for one reason or another. I'm hoping I get the chance in the next few weeks to at least go to Texoma or something, somewhere here in the next few weeks. I just need a break.