Raising a Teenage Daughter

My oldest daughter turned 13 this past summer. I always told myself that I wasn't going to do like my parents did, and forget what it was like to be 13. Of course, I may not remember perfectly, especially with my memory being like Swiss cheese, but I remember enough to understand a lot of what my daughter is going through. I can understand the road she is travelling on. I wanted so badly for my parents to try to understand me, come into my world a little bit, and just try and remember being my age. It's hard, I know, but not impossible.
 So, I frequently try to look back on my teenage years, especially my 13th year (that pivotal year you go from being a child, to officially being a teenager), when talking to and dealing with my daughter. She will do those goofy things 13 year old girls typically do: laugh at the simplest things, cry over petty things, change her mind every few seconds when trying to tell me something "hey, mom! Oh, wait, nevermi... no, YES!!, NO! I changed my mind. Oh, FORGET IT!!" and other silly little things. Her tastes in hair, music, clothes, you name it, change frequently. This is normal, and I keep reminding myself of that. And, I try to keep her from making too drastic changes in the wrong areas so she won't do something that can't be undone, and have a major regret. I know, she has to learn a lot of things on her own, and I'm allowing that, but I know there are some situations where I have to draw the line. I don't have a problem with her being "13" and doing these things. I know she is trying to figure out who she is, who God has made her to be, and where she fits into this world. I remember going through the same thing. At 13, I tried all kinds of things: cowgirl, skater, stoner, gangster, grunge, sports, etc. It's all part of the territory, I guess. I'm allowing my daughter to go through this too. She's a lot like me, but of course is different. She is herself, and I love her. But, I know that she naturally has insecurities, like everybody else. I know it's natural to compare ourselves to other people, maybe try to be more like a particular person, or worry about what certain people think. And I also know that too much of that can be a bad thing, especially when we are trying to be something we are not.

She has found certain people lately that she looks at and wants to be more like them. In some aspects, that's okay. She wants to be more outgoing, cheery, friendly, and on fire for God. Aweseome! I've been praying for these type things for her for a few years. She's making wonderful progress in some certain areas that have been of some concern to me in the past. But I hear say things occasionally about being more like certain people, but in ways that may not be who she is. Trying to change things about her, or suppress things that are just naturally Faith. I know that doing that, suppressing something that is uniquely you just because it's not exactly like so-and-so who may be your role model, is unhealthy. And, in the course of conversation of trying to explain this to her, things get majorly misconstrued. I feel like I am beating my head against a brick wall trying to make a hole. It's just as much fun, and I seem to make just as much progress. I get told that I'm saying things, or implying things, that I am not. Oh, and let me make it clear, I am not making my daughter out to be a liar or anything else along those lines. She's 13 and can misunderstand. But, I don't know how to make what I'm saying any clearer! This is definitely one of those times that I wish I had a husband. That there was a father figure here to help me out: either by contributing to the conversation and helping it to be handled the right way, tell me if I'm doing or saying something wrong that I could change, or even at the least, be able to crawl in bed beside him, and he just wrap me in his loving arms and tell me it's okay, that I'm doing a good job. But, I'm all alone in this parenting my teenage daughter thing. I know I have my mom, and a few other people somewhat involved, but they're not always there at times like this, and they certainly wouldn't work for the cuddling in bed part, lol.

I do frequently turn to God in prayer and scripture for guidance. But it occurred to me tonight that there is actually something not addressed in the Bible: teenagers. I know a great deal of that has to do with the fact that a "teenager" was invented by culture in the early-mid 1900's. Before that, people went from being a child to a young adult. For thousands of years that worked. Now, for the last 100 or so, give or take, things have a been a bit more complicated. And, unfortunately in this day and age we live in, it's kind of hard to get away from having "teenagers". And I don't mean just in number, but in behavior, etc. God gives instructions in His word directed in raising "children". He gives instruction directly TO the "children". The Bible deals with "young adults" on up, but nothing really on teenagers. Yes, I know the "young adult" time period and "teenager" time period are about one in the same, but a majority of today's teenagers are nothing like the Bible's "young adults". And the culture we live in is not conducive to raising "young adults" rather than "teenagers". I'm not saying anything against the Bible, or using the Wisdom thereof to raise children. What I am saying, is that I don't have enough specific info about teenagers! It's not easy! Especially in dealing with them trying to figure out just who they are, and when they misunderstand and misconstrue things. This is my first teenager, of course. And, I'm doing it on my own. And, after I've finished making her cry by trying to tell her much I really do understand, and her still not getting it, I get to go crawl in my big empty bed, alone. I hugged her and tried to reassure her over and over how much I love her, and love who she is, her uniqueness and all. But, there's no one here for me to turn to, to get a hug and reassurance myself. I hope someday soon that will change. I definitely wish God would have made a separate instruction book on raising teenage girls! But, I'm also very thankful that I don't have teenage boys to raise on my own, because I don't think I could do that so well. I give mad props to the single moms who are successfully raising teenage boys! God bless you! At least this way, I know what it's like to be a teenage girl, since I've already been there before! ;) But, I don't know what it's like to be a teenage boy, I didn't even have brothers!

So, enough of this little ramble for the night! I just had to put my thoughts out, and I didn't want to make just a short tidbit on Facebook or Google + or something, and it look as if I'm talking bad about my daughter, because that is furthest from the truth. Just, this my blog on being a single homeschool mom, and here is a post about my feelings on a particular part of that life! I'm off to sleep now. Hopefully I didn't type anything too weird as I tried not to fall asleep. I will come back and check it tomorrow, and if I did, I will fix it. Otherwise, I will probably leave this post alone.