Is it time for a break yet?

The last couple of months have been more stressful and crazy than normal. I am so ready for a break from it all, but I still can't get it just yet.

At the beginning of October, my grandparents went into the nursing home. That's when this round of stress started. I know I posted a little about this already, so I'll keep the first part short, and just try to get everybody caught up.

Immediately after they went in to the nursing home, my grandfather went into ICU. We thought he wasn't going to make it, but he pulled through and a few weeks later was moved back to his room at the nursing home. He went from being able to walk when he was at home (though it had been getting hard for him due to his emphazema and COPD, hence why he and my grandmother moved to the nursing home), to not even able to sit himself up, even after returning from ICU. This was so hard to watch. Within a few days of his moving back to his regular room, I got a call at 2am from my mom. I just knew she was calling to tell me my grandfather had passed. But instead, she said my grandmother had. She went quietly in her sleep. This was a complete shock, as my grandmother was doing fine! I had just been thinking before I went to bed that I would go see them the next day. I wish I had of gone sooner. It had been a week since I had been up there last because I was so busy trying to get some other things caught up.

It was October 30th that my grandmother went to be with the Lord. It was so hard on my grandfather, and so hard watching him hurt for losing her. All he wanted was to be with her. We were sure he wouldn't make it until Christmas. She was his whole world, his whole reason for still being alive and pulling through again. All the joy was now gone from his life. He loves his whole family so much, and so thoroughly enjoyed watching his grandkids. When ever family would come to visit for birthdays or holidays, that was all the gift he needed or wanted. Now, even when my daughter was playing nearby, he didn't notice. This was unlike how he had ever been before. I knew for sure his heart was broken, and he was completely lost without my grandmother.

Her funeral was on November 4th, and it was the first time I had ever seen him cry.

On November 7th, I went to visit him again. We had seen him the day before with my mother, and I told him I would bring him a small mirror we had so that he could comb his hair and shave. My girls and I had visited a nearby cemetary and had been recording names (something we enjoy doing often), and then went by to see him and take him the mirror. We sat there talking with him about different things, like the cemetary, his school days, etc. We talked about how he could now shave the next morning, which he was glad about. Trinity started running off down the halls, so I thought it was time to go. I told him that we would come back tomorrow and see him. I remember the look on his face as we were leaving. It's as if he didn't want me too, because he knew this was the last visit we were going to have. I wish even more now that I would have stayed. The next day my mom called and said that he had taken a turn for the worst. He was confused, didn't know where he was, etc. Totally different from the night before. We rushed up to be by his side. I stayed as late as I could, and we all 3 got to tell him we loved him and goodbye. I had to take my girls home so they could sleep, otherwise I would have stayed there all night. He passed around 2am November 9th. I will remember the date easily. It is the same day I found out I was pregnant with my first child in 1998.

We held his funeral on Saturday, November 13th. It was harder for me because I was closer to him than my grandmother. I had a bad day to start it with, messing up on the printing of his eulogy, and ran late. I broke down crying uncontrollably, and my knees gave out on me after I went to see him. It didn't look like him to me. Someone cut his hair short, trimmed his eyebrows way to short, and he was clean shaven, which I had never seen him before. That's not how I remember him. At the cemetary he ws buried with military honors, which was beautiful. And I cried. He was a WWII vet.

3 days later was my birthday, which I wasn't in the mood to do anything for. The following week was Thanksgiving. The first Thanksgiving without going to visit them. It was a hard Thanksgiving for that reason, and a few others. Same with this Christmas. There are some other things that are weighing me down lately too that I don't want to go in to on here.

Last Friday, the 17th, was my grandmothers birthday. I would have gone to see her, like I do every year, had she been here.

I've been trying to get back to normal this month, going on with our Keepers at Home group, and 4-H, art class and homeschooling.  Yet, I am having a hard time with it all, with all the emotions I have going on, from my grandparents and everything. We missed some school early in November, and instead of taking 2 weeks Christmas break, we're squeezing some school in here and there. But I decided I absolutely have to take a week off, so I'm taking off the week of New Years, and going to spend some time trying to work on my house. I decided on this week because we don't have anything going on like Keepers, 4-H, art, or holidays (besides New Years, but that doesn't require as much as the last two), just an unbusy week. The business starts back up the first week of January. I wish it would hold off another week after that, but, oh well.

Around a year ago, I had a feeling that some of these things were going to happen. I had hoped I was wrong. I  hope and pray that next year is better.



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