Don't Look Back, Moses

God showed me something today, in response to something I've been struggling with for a little while. Sometimes, I feel like God is ignoring me, like things are just too tough, I'm not doing good enough in my being a Christ Follower, etc, etc. Sometimes, I miss certain things about, or certain people from, my past life. Sometimes, I question different choices I've made, bridges I may have burned, people I've left behind, etc. Sometimes, I think about giving up and going back. The biggest thing that has kept me from doing so are my girls. I don't want to raise them in any type of life except a godly one. I also made a promise to God regarding them a few years ago. I dedicated them to Him, and promised to raise them according to His will. And I've never been one to break a promise. But, I still struggle. I still sometimes feel like giving up. Yet today, God showed me something different.

I know the verses in the New Testament about not going back to your past life, the life you left behind when you came to Christ. I know what it says about turning your back on Him, especially when you now know things you didn't know before (I know these aren't the exact quotes, I can't recall them at the moment, but I can hear them in my head and heart at least in meaning). I know all this. That makes me feel more obligated. But God doesn't want us to do anything for Him out of obligation. No! In fact, He wants us to do it because we want to do it! If we do it because we feel we have to, then that's not what He's looking for. But, that's not exactly what He showed me today.
I was watching a show about Christopher Columbus, and it was talking about the men who joined his crew. They were the people who had nothing to lose. Criminals, the poor, etc. They were miserable in the lives they were living where they were at, being tormented by the king and others. They thought, anything is better than what they were living now! They jumped at the opportunity to get out of that land, and journey to a new one! It took them 3 months of sailing before they finally saw land again. I've heard stories about ships that would sail from Europe to the New World, and how the crew and/or passengers would be so eager to leave and go to some new land, escaping the torment and miserable life they had in hopes of a better one. But once they were out at sea for months, with no sign of land, food and water supplies running low, people getting sick, and some dying, they went crazy! They would regret coming on this journey, thinking they made a poor choice, and the horrible life they left behind wasn't so bad after all. They may begin begging the captain to turn and go back, because they're certain they will never find land, and they're all going to die if they don't. But the captain insists on pushing forward just a little bit longer, and shortly they arrive in the New World! Life in this strange land is difficult, but for most, it was ultimately better than what they left behind. For those who didn't give up, and worked hard to make a life for themselves and their families, exercising their new-found freedom to worship God how they chose, they were greatly rewarded. And those rewards were passed on from generation to generation, all the way down to us!
This made me think of the Hebrews that Moses led out of Egypt and in to the desert. They had wanted so badly, and prayed for so long for God to save them from the torture they endured in Egypt, and finally the answer had come. But once they got in to the desert, and things got a little rough, they were ready to throw in the towel and had back to the hell from which they had been freed! They knew how bad the life was that they had left behind, why would they ever want to go back to that! They must have been crazy! We can sit here and shout these things all day long, saying 'couldn't they just hold on a little bit longer' because we know the end of the story, they didn't. What they were experiencing, seemed like the end of the story to them! But, if they could endure, stay trusting and following God, even through this tough and trying time in the desert, they would come out better on the other side for it! They would have had to endure the desert for only a short time, not 40 years! But, they didn't. They didn't go back to Egypt, but they didn't fully give themselves over to God either. They brought part of Egypt with them, despite how wicked and dangerous they knew it was. They did it anyways.

Then, it hit me! This is my desert! My ocean! My hard and trying time. The Hebrews, and I'm sure plenty of people on those ships, thought that God had abandoned them. But He didn't! He led the Hebrews both day and night. He protected them, fed them, gave them water from a rock, destroyed their enemies, helped them win battles, etc, etc. Why couldn't they see what was right in front of them? Why can't I? I guess, you can't see the forest for the trees, and you can't see the nose on your own face, right? So, instead of giving up and going back to a life I know I was much more miserable in than I am now, despite whatever hardships I'm facing now, I must keep on trusting God, and following His lead. He will lead me, even if I think He's ignoring and rejecting me. Even when I mess up and make mistakes. How many mistakes did the Hebrews make in the desert, but yet God still did not abandon them? He will protect me, feed me and give me water, bread from heaven and water from The Rock, and remove my enemies from me. He will help me win the battles, and lead me in to paradise. He showed me a verse a few years ago when I was a new Christ Follower, and still had not read the Bible yet. This was a verse that I had never heard before, so after He told it to me and I read it, I knew beyond any doubt, that God gave it to me. It was a promise. It still hasn't been fulfilled, and I'm not sure when He has it planned to be fulfilled, but I know He does. 1 Samuel 2:8 NLT says this: "He lifts the poor from the dust and the needy from the garbage dump. He sets them among princes, placing them in seats of honor. For all the earth is the Lord's and he hast set the world in order." I try to remember this, and the one He gave me around the same time from Jeremiah 29:11, but it can be difficult. I've continuously been asking God why I feel like He's rejecting me, but now I finally understand. I'm just in the desert, and I just need to hold on just a little bit longer. Don't give up and go back to Egypt or the old world, but trust God. Here soon, I'm going to make it to the Promised Land!